Girl Crush Pt. 2

Many of you readers (ok... two of you) have asked about the “stage 5 clinger” who has seemed to latch herself on to me. Well, luckily I was able let her down gently that I was not going to move and she couldn’t continue living on my couch. So here’s how it went down.

It was confirmed that I would in fact have to jump through all kinds of hoops and probably have to pay all kinds of fees in order to change the address that is on my work permits and certificates – I had my legitimate excuse.

So we went to dinner together on Friday night and I had rehearsed how I was going to break the news. I told her about my work and that I just going to be able to move. She seemed to understand when I told her, but five minutes later was back to saying, “when we find an apartment together.” I had to stop her and say, “but we’re not going to live together.”

She looked at me puzzled. So I told her again, “I can’t move until my lease is up.” So she asked, “When will that be?” and I replied, “not until April…next year.” I had only told her this about 5 other times. Then the look of sadness and “but I really was hoping to live with you.” Oh the guilt!

I told her that I just couldn’t move, but that she could stay with me a while longer until she was settled and found something on her own. Then she started saying, “Well let me pay you rent. Let me pay the utilities.” At first I wondered why was she saying this. I had told her she didn’t need to and that she could stay with me while she saved some money. And then I realized that she was thinking she was just going to continue living on my couch.

I should interject here and say that Chinese people have very different living expectations than that of most foreigners. They are perfectly content to living in small quarters and in seemingly comfortable places. My sofa is ok for sitting on for a movie and napping on in the afternoon, but it is not a sofa I would want to sleep on for an extended period of time. Yet, Eva seemed perfectly content to do just that.

So my mind started racing about how I was now going to have to tell her that she couldn’t do that… and why she would want to do that. So I kept saying “After you find something for you” and “you can stay a few more weeks.” I wasn’t getting anywhere.

Finally I found my out. I’d like to think that she could tell from my concerned face that I was a little weary and she finally goes “but do you think the apt is too small for two people?” There it was – my reason that she couldn’t live there. “Yes, yes. You know I really think it’s too small for two people.”

Maybe she was feeling the same, I don’t know. All I know is that she finally understood that she can’t live on my couch forever. And I told she didn’t need to rush. I reiterated that I wanted her to find a home where she felt comfortable – either on her own or with roommates – and that she had some time to do that. Luckily, this time she got the message because she came home later in the weekend saying, “I think it’s going to be really easy to find an apartment.” Thank goodness.

It’s a huge relief and I think it’ll be good for her. I’m still one of her only friends in Shanghai, and I felt a little bit like a mother bird giving that little push to baby bird saying, “spread your wings, fly away from the nest.” I’m sure she’ll be able to find something and maybe with other foreigners. I know that when she does move we’ll still stay good friends, and she’ll be welcome to come hang out anytime. And now I can have my apartment back, without all her black hair, and can still feel like I’ve done my part as a friend.