In honor of this week’s Qixi holiday (Chinese Valentines Day), I decided I would start my series of entries about dating in China. In all honesty, I didn’t come to China to find a boyfriend, foreign or Chinese. Of all the places to move to get a MRS degree, I think China would be the last place on earth a 22-year-old tall, blonde American girl would go. But all that aside, I might as well test the waters while I’m here.
Kicking off the first installment of the dating series (which needs a title... so I'm open to suggestions) I’m just going to give some first impressions of dating in China. Luckily, I have coworkers who speak English really well and they’re open to talking about dating. In fact it’s one of the first things I was asked when I was at lunch with some of them: “Do you have a boyfriend?” and “Do you want a Chinese boyfriend?” Whoa... Let’s take this one step at a time. And while I didn’t get into the nitty gritty or their personal lives my first day on the job, over the past few weeks I’ve had somewhat open discussions on their ideas of dating, marriage and everything in between. Ok not everything.
First of all, I know I’ve mentioned a big difference in maturity (usually take off about 3-4 years from their real age, and then that’s their maturity age compared to a foreigner). I think this is in large part due to their school system. High school in China is strictly academically focused. Students start their school day at 7:30 and are in class till about 5:30 (with a 2-hour lunch break). From there, they either go home to do their homework or stay at the school to take extra classes or go to study hall until about 10:00 at night. Sounds awful if you ask me.
A schedule like this leaves very little time for interaction with friends and members of the opposite sex. And a general consensus is that parents don’t allow their children to have relationships much more than friendships. Not only does it take away time from studying, but, as we all know, trying to figure out the opposite sex can be pretty distracting. So guys don’t really go through the whole awkward “how do I talk to girls” stage and girls haven’t really grasped the concept that their first boyfriend will not be their last until they’re about 19.
Not that I’ve had all that many, if any at all, boyfriends in my short 22 years of life, but first trying to figure out how to have relationships with members of the opposite sex when you’re 20? That really stunts your growth! And I think this is a common theme for foreign guys trying to date Chinese girls (and you hardly ever see a foreign girl dating a Chinese guy). I was talking with a new friend in Nanjing when asked him if he was or had dated a Chinese girl, and his response was pretty appropriate: “Well I’m not now, if that tells you anything.” While there’s definitely plenty of guys willing and wanting to date a Chinese girl, after a serious relationship or two, sometimes the cultural differences are just a little too different... but that is another dating series topic for another day.
I know this post doesn’t really answer a lot of questions or give you the not-so-juicy details of my non-existent dating life in China. Don’t worry, if anything exciting comes along for my dating life I won’t be blogging about it. Hopefully this new series will be insightful for not only me, but for you all, my readers, as well. Because no matter what culture you identify with, we’re all dying to know other’s ideas of dating, marriage and everything in between.
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