Lamein Love: Love in Language

Ok. So I’m really going to try to do this. Every other Friday (starting with today) will be another addition of Lamein Love (with other random posts during the week). And this week’s topic is something I have experience and something I’m still learning. That is the decoy of the “Language Partner.” Now you may recall my brief stint with a language partner (who was like a 18 year old girl who wanted to practice her English to eventually study abroad), but this other kind of “language partner” is much different.

It happens to foreign guys and girls alike, often unsuspecting. A Chinese person, a member of the opposite sex, is looking for a “language partner.” And while I’m sure there are those honest people out there solely looking for a language partner, my experience with Chinese guys looking for a “language partner” have turned into what looks like an attempt to get a foreign girlfriend. My first, of two encounters, was within my first few weeks in Nanjing. Looking back, I think it was pretty foolish on my part, but I’ll blame it on my naivety.

Long story short, I had contacted this guy because of something he was selling - a watercooler and a dryer I think. I didn’t end up purchasing the items, but this guy was insistent on me helping him improve his English. It started off as a few infrequent chat sessions where he’d ask me questions about an article he read. “What does this mean?” “What does that mean?” It was harmless. But then it started getting sketchy - asking about where I lived, if I had a roommate and for a picture. I knew enough then to go ahead and call this a bust. Eventually, I blocked him on my MSN (Chinese people’s preference to gchat) and ignored all text messages. Eventually he took a hint.

This latest stint with a language partner didn’t take too long for me to just roll my eyes and call it done. A girlfriend (American) who moved from Nanjing a few months back sent me an email saying a friend was looking for, you guessed it, a language partner. Reluctantly I said, “sure” and told her to pass along my phone number. A few days later, I get a phone call. All sounds normal. That weekend I wasn’t really in the mood to take two hours for a language lesson, so I cancelled. The next week I got another message - again, normal enough. But then two days later I got the message that broke the deal. It was something to the effect of “I have a few days off from school. Let’s meet so I can take a picture of you. I think you must be very beautiful.” Ok. I’m done.

Now some of you might think, “Oh, you’re just jaded. He was excited to meet a foreigner.” No (I will discuss the whole “you’re beautiful” line that just about every foreign girl gets in Nanjing and other cities in the future). Blame it on language barriers, cultural differences or lack of etiquette, but getting this kind of message from someone who “just wants to learn your language” is a red flag for “AVOID AT ALL COSTS.” He may not even realize that its not OK to send that to girl. Maybe Chinese girls eat this up. However, I’m not interested in someone telling me I’m beautiful before we’ve met and I am not a Chinese girl. And other foreign girls who have encountered similar situations feel the same.

So maybe I am slightly jaded. But the way I see it, I’d rather be jaded and cautious then to have a potential Chinese stalker. Yes, I’ve seen it happen (but not to me). For now, I’ll stick to same sex language partners and ones who have legit reasons for wanting to learn English - not to just have an excuse to hang out with a foreign girl.