Well I didn’t think it would happen so soon – finding a new apartment in Shanghai. And I don’t know why, but the days leading up to going to Shanghai, with the sole purpose to find a new residence, I was really looking forward to it. But as I was on the train to Shanghai that Friday afternoon, I realized I what a daunting task I had waiting for me. Would I be able to communicate in English? Would I have to try out my shoddy Chinese skills? Would I be able to find something with a tight budget, that was suitable for me and relatively close to work in two days? I was already anxious and I hadn’t even left the Nanjing train station.
I knew I wanted to live alone. I’m ready for a change and to be officially “on my own.” Not that having a roommate hasn’t been nice in Nanjing, but I have plenty of friends still in Shanghai, I know my way around and I am just ready to just have a place of my own. So now that I’m done with the self-reflection and justification to living roommateless I can write about the most tiring day I’ve had in quite a while.
When I got off the train in Shanghai I knew that the next 24 hours would be intense, that I would need to ask the right questions, inspect the nooks and crannies and be aggressive in what I wanted. So there I was with the first agent and the promising first apartment she took me to. The tenet had just moved out and the landlord was installing new floors and completely repainting the place. The appliances were new, the kitchen was nice, the furniture was alright and the bathroom was a dream (compared to my bathroom in Nanjing). “Wow,” I thought, “this’ll be a good day!”
I was wrong. For the next three hours I saw 7 more places that were ALL duds. Whether it was old, crummy Chinese furniture, a place where I had to walk through someone else’s kitchen to get to my room, dingy studios or furniture-less apartments, I was getting very discouraged throughout the day. After a refreshing cup of coffee, I set out again. This time I would try to do as a local does – I went to a local agency.
I decided to brave trying a local agent, who may or may not speak English. Much to my and the agents’ surprise, I was able to communicate in Chinese telling them what I wanted, how much I wanted to spend and where I wanted to live. You never really know your language abilities until your in a situation where you’re forced to actually use them. I couldn’t believe I was able to hold the conversation I was with the agent. Sure, it wasn’t super philosophical, but I was able to tell him what I liked about Shanghai and Nanjing, where all I had traveled to and my impressions of the apartments as he showed them to me. This may have been the push I needed to really learn more Chinese.
Anyways, he showed me about four more places, all of which were either too expensive or were too old. Walking to my friend’s apartment where I was staying for the night, I was starting to feel discouraged. Of the 13 places I saw that day, only three were really standing out to me, two of which were too expensive and the other I was a bit worried about noise. That night I thought about my apartment shopping experience. If you see a place here, you need to be quick. And I kept thinking of the first apartment I went to. It was clean, it had lots of new things – fridge, water heater, washing machine, floors and coat (or two) of paint. Best of all, it was in my price range (unlike the other ones I liked). I decided that night I needed to pounce. I didn’t want to settle for second choice like I did in Nanjing.
So the next morning I met with the first agent to set out again to house hunt. I looked at one more apartment, still out of my price range, and told her I was done. I wanted the first. I couldn’t believe I was going for the first place I saw, but I felt good about it. It is located about 2 minutes from the subway line to work, has four of my favorite restaurants in Shanghai within 10 minutes walking and the landlord speaks English. The one down side is that it is right above about 3 or 4 bars, albeit they are pretty lame “Chinesey” bars. But, this is China. There is going to be noise anywhere I go. And my working hours are going to be such that I don’t come home until about 10 or 11 p.m. anyway. Hopefully I’ll be getting home and going to bed around the time the party is subsiding. And at least I’ll be able to sleep in if I lose sleep over it.
Anyway. I’m relieved I found a good apartment in Shanghai. It’s going to be an adventure moving, but with a good place to call home, I’m looking forward even more to this move to Shanghai. When I move in and get it settled I’ll put up some pictures, since I have figured out how to do that on the blog now. And I hope now that I’m living in Shanghai that some of you will come visit me! :-)
Apr 12, 2010
Apr 9, 2010
Nanjing memories
As excited as I am to be moving back to Shanghai, I will really miss Nanjing. I have met some great people here and have built some strong friendships. I’m not sure that I’ll ever find a Chinese family who will look out for me like Ellen and her parents. And while her stickers aren’t my cup of tea, my roommate has been another definite blessing in getting settled in Nanjing. All my coworkers have been wonderful as well and I really hope that I made positive contributions in my 8 months at the job. Oh, and there’s the boyfriend – another perk. Life in Nanjing has been pretty good.
So I thought that I would post a few pictures (which I’ve said I was going to do for a while now) of my time in Nanjing. From the dinosaur botanical gardens, to shopping excursions at Ikea, workplace mishaps and all the other highlights of my time here, I have fond memories of Nanjing.
So I thought that I would post a few pictures (which I’ve said I was going to do for a while now) of my time in Nanjing. From the dinosaur botanical gardens, to shopping excursions at Ikea, workplace mishaps and all the other highlights of my time here, I have fond memories of Nanjing.
Apr 8, 2010
Cute Poop
In our latest conversation I felt like I could have been in a sitcom. Among other things, we were talking about my Chinese name, Shi Meng Rui, and how she thinks my surname, or last name, Shi is not very pleasant sounding. “Really? Why is that?” I asked.
She proceeded to tell me that “shi” had a funny meaning. And then she drew a picture of “shi baba,” known more commonly to English speakers as poop. It was a little cartoonish pile of poop complete with a smiley face. She said “shi” by itself is still the poop, but not quite such a nice way to say it. She told me that Chinese children and young people love “shi baba.” It is “so lovely” she repeated over and over.
Side note: The Chinese love the phrase “so lovely.” It is the equivalent of girls calling everything cute. Actually the Chinese word they use is “ke ai,” which I learned as cute in my brief Chinese studies. Instead, Chinese people say “lovely.” “Your hair is so lovely.” “That stuffed animal is so lovely.” “That pile of cartoon poop is so lovely.” You get the picture.
So I try to explain to Ellen that in the U.S., this is not so “lovely” or cute. As I told her that poop and fecal matter, even in cartoon form, was not a source of “cuteness” in the U.S., her face fell in disappointment. Sorry Ellen. So then I get the bright idea to ask her if she knows the English word for “shi baba,” and with a straight face she replies “Sh*t.”
I couldn’t help but laugh out loud. Here was this sweet Chinese girl saying sh*t. Where did she learn this? Why of all words did she say this word? I quickly told her that she shouldn’t say that word around other English speakers, which she already seemed to know. Apparently she said she had heard it in American movies. “You know,” she says, “when the sh*t hits the fan.” Oh Ellen, you are priceless.
Aside from the foul language, I don’t really get what is so cute about “shi baba.” It is most definitely yet another cultural difference. And now I know that my surname, if said incorrectly, can mean poop – the real meaning is history. I can only imagine the jokes I would have endured in school if I had a last name that sounded similar to “poop.”
Apr 7, 2010
School days.
In the final days here in Nanjing, I’ve been asked to give a presentation to some of the high schoolers in our program about “extracurriculars in the U.S.” Since I was a pretty “well-rounded” student, at least in high school, I feel pretty good about this presentation – except that it has to last for an hour and a half! An hour and a half on extracurriculars? This is going to be a stretch. So I thought, while preparing for my presentation on Thursday, that I would share some of the differences in the education systems here on NYAFC.
Doing this assignment I realized that I have to start from the very beginning. Most of these students have no idea what an extracurricular activity even is. School rules these kids’ lives over here. When their not listening to the teacher lecture during the school day, they are spending almost every waking hour studying. In my opinion, and in the opinion of most of my friends who are teachers here, there is a lot that could be improved with the Chinese education system. Many aspects of the education system in China are vastly different than the U.S.’s and, I would guess, most “Western” education systems.
First of all, most teachers teach by solely lectured-based classes. Sure, this sounds familiar. We’ve all had a class where the teacher lectured during the entire class. Not to interesting, huh? Well, imagine going to school every day and in every class your teacher was just spouting information at you. And forget about asking a question or questioning what the teacher is telling you – teacher is always right no matter what. Teachers sometimes seem to just go on and on and on without interruption and without really making sure that the students comprehend the information that their giving the students.
But how can they make sure their classes understand when there are typically 60+ students in a class? I used to think that my classes in high school of 30 were hard to deal with, but these students are sharing the classroom with 60 other students. With 1.3 billion people and growing, its not surprising that class sizes are out of control. But, I can’t imagine how hard it must be to be one of 60 in a class.
Probably the starkest contrast, however, is the way students learn here. With teachers regurgitating the textbook and hours on end spent rereading what their teacher just taught, there is a huge emphasis of rote memorization. They, like their teachers, focus on regurgitating information come test time. This kind of setting is incredibly limiting. They learn no problem solving skills, no critical thinking skills and no research skills, just to name a few. Looking back on my years of high school, class discussions, group projects and research papers (I know, I’m a nerd) were what I enjoyed most. Sure, I had to slave away learning and memorizing Calculus formulas, but I also had a balance of fun parts too.
Another questionable part of the Chinese education system is the Gao Kao, China’s university entrance exam. I could (and maybe should) write an entire post on just the Gao Kao alone – it is that big of a deal here. To put it into perspective, there are 4,352 colleges, universities and junior colleges in the U.S.. There are around 400 universities in China. Considering there are literally millions of students who apply to China’s universities, competition to get a spot in one of these schools is tough, to say the least. And their main way in is a high score on the Gao Kao. Students prepare for years for the Gao Kao and, rightfully so, is a source of incredible stress for Chinese students. And it is the main reason why students spend so much time studying and are not involved in extracurricular activities.
I could go on, but then this post would be entirely too long. Working in the “education area” of China has been an incredibly rewarding experience. With a mom for a teacher, I am a proponent for education and think it is probably the most important thing for young people. I love watching people and seeing these students hard at work is really inspiring. Sure, I had to work hard in high school, but these kids have a lot against them. Maybe an extracurricular activity or two would help lighten them up.
Doing this assignment I realized that I have to start from the very beginning. Most of these students have no idea what an extracurricular activity even is. School rules these kids’ lives over here. When their not listening to the teacher lecture during the school day, they are spending almost every waking hour studying. In my opinion, and in the opinion of most of my friends who are teachers here, there is a lot that could be improved with the Chinese education system. Many aspects of the education system in China are vastly different than the U.S.’s and, I would guess, most “Western” education systems.
First of all, most teachers teach by solely lectured-based classes. Sure, this sounds familiar. We’ve all had a class where the teacher lectured during the entire class. Not to interesting, huh? Well, imagine going to school every day and in every class your teacher was just spouting information at you. And forget about asking a question or questioning what the teacher is telling you – teacher is always right no matter what. Teachers sometimes seem to just go on and on and on without interruption and without really making sure that the students comprehend the information that their giving the students.
But how can they make sure their classes understand when there are typically 60+ students in a class? I used to think that my classes in high school of 30 were hard to deal with, but these students are sharing the classroom with 60 other students. With 1.3 billion people and growing, its not surprising that class sizes are out of control. But, I can’t imagine how hard it must be to be one of 60 in a class.
Probably the starkest contrast, however, is the way students learn here. With teachers regurgitating the textbook and hours on end spent rereading what their teacher just taught, there is a huge emphasis of rote memorization. They, like their teachers, focus on regurgitating information come test time. This kind of setting is incredibly limiting. They learn no problem solving skills, no critical thinking skills and no research skills, just to name a few. Looking back on my years of high school, class discussions, group projects and research papers (I know, I’m a nerd) were what I enjoyed most. Sure, I had to slave away learning and memorizing Calculus formulas, but I also had a balance of fun parts too.
Another questionable part of the Chinese education system is the Gao Kao, China’s university entrance exam. I could (and maybe should) write an entire post on just the Gao Kao alone – it is that big of a deal here. To put it into perspective, there are 4,352 colleges, universities and junior colleges in the U.S.. There are around 400 universities in China. Considering there are literally millions of students who apply to China’s universities, competition to get a spot in one of these schools is tough, to say the least. And their main way in is a high score on the Gao Kao. Students prepare for years for the Gao Kao and, rightfully so, is a source of incredible stress for Chinese students. And it is the main reason why students spend so much time studying and are not involved in extracurricular activities.
I could go on, but then this post would be entirely too long. Working in the “education area” of China has been an incredibly rewarding experience. With a mom for a teacher, I am a proponent for education and think it is probably the most important thing for young people. I love watching people and seeing these students hard at work is really inspiring. Sure, I had to work hard in high school, but these kids have a lot against them. Maybe an extracurricular activity or two would help lighten them up.
Apr 5, 2010
Foreigners are dangerous!
I love long weekends. With this weekend’s “qing ming” festival, or tomb sweeping holiday, we had Monday off from work. This was a much needed break since I have been in the middle of leaving one job, arranging to start another, subleasing my room in my apartment so my roommate isn't homeless in Nanjing and finding another apartment in Shanghai. Yeah, I’m surprised I’ve found the time to post on here, too.
This winter I have felt pretty bad about not going out and seeing more of Nanjing, but with the cold, wet, damp weather we had for about three months straight I don’t feel too bad about it. Now, I’m trying to make up for lost time. I had a pleasant surprise when an old friend from Shanghai said she and a few gal pals were headed my way for a day this weekend. Not only was it a good time for some much needed girl time, but I got to do some stuff in the city that I haven’t tried. It was interesting having a some “Shanghai girls” in town in Nanjing to see the more casual lifestyle I have compared to their ritzy-glitzy town.
Anyway, the “main event” this weekend was a Saturday trip to the Nanjing hot springs. Unfortunately, there is no volcano here and its not really proper “hot springs.” It is more of a bunch of low-level pools with different kinds of spa-esque qualities. Some of the highlights were the wine pool, tea pool, flower pools (rose, jasmine, lily and a few others) and, my personal favorite, the dead-skin-eating fish pool. I have heard of and seen these pools before, but this was my first time trying it. Basically there is a bunch of fish nibbling at your body and eating the dead skin on your feet, legs, arms, under arms and, if you can believe it, butt – don’t worry, we were clothed through all of this.
It was nice to hang out with some of the girls, and I was surprised at how “Westernized” they were. As we walked around Nanjing Friday night and the hot springs on Saturday, they were surprised at all the attention, stares and “Hellos” the other foreign girl and I seemed to attract. I thought “Thank you for understanding how annoying it is sometimes to be a foreigner here.” But the highlight was seeing their reaction when a little boy of about 9 or 10 told his grandmother to be careful of the “dangerous foreigners.” Of course he felt really embarrassed when he realized that the two foreigners could understand what he was saying. Yup, we’re so dangerous. I was kind of relieved that they were as surprised as they were for the attention me and the other foreign girl received. I really think the days of all the “Hellos” and obnoxious staring will be, for the most part, over when I get to Shanghai.
It has been good to get out and explore Nanjing, even if it is right before I’m supposed to move. Luckily, I’ll be back and forth to Nanjing, so I have some time. I figure I still need to convince a few more kids that foreigners are not dangerous and don’t eat Chinese kids. Although, it is fun to mess with them if they really do think we’re going to kidnap them and cook them for dinner. Oh us foreigners, we are so dangerous.
This winter I have felt pretty bad about not going out and seeing more of Nanjing, but with the cold, wet, damp weather we had for about three months straight I don’t feel too bad about it. Now, I’m trying to make up for lost time. I had a pleasant surprise when an old friend from Shanghai said she and a few gal pals were headed my way for a day this weekend. Not only was it a good time for some much needed girl time, but I got to do some stuff in the city that I haven’t tried. It was interesting having a some “Shanghai girls” in town in Nanjing to see the more casual lifestyle I have compared to their ritzy-glitzy town.
Anyway, the “main event” this weekend was a Saturday trip to the Nanjing hot springs. Unfortunately, there is no volcano here and its not really proper “hot springs.” It is more of a bunch of low-level pools with different kinds of spa-esque qualities. Some of the highlights were the wine pool, tea pool, flower pools (rose, jasmine, lily and a few others) and, my personal favorite, the dead-skin-eating fish pool. I have heard of and seen these pools before, but this was my first time trying it. Basically there is a bunch of fish nibbling at your body and eating the dead skin on your feet, legs, arms, under arms and, if you can believe it, butt – don’t worry, we were clothed through all of this.
It was nice to hang out with some of the girls, and I was surprised at how “Westernized” they were. As we walked around Nanjing Friday night and the hot springs on Saturday, they were surprised at all the attention, stares and “Hellos” the other foreign girl and I seemed to attract. I thought “Thank you for understanding how annoying it is sometimes to be a foreigner here.” But the highlight was seeing their reaction when a little boy of about 9 or 10 told his grandmother to be careful of the “dangerous foreigners.” Of course he felt really embarrassed when he realized that the two foreigners could understand what he was saying. Yup, we’re so dangerous. I was kind of relieved that they were as surprised as they were for the attention me and the other foreign girl received. I really think the days of all the “Hellos” and obnoxious staring will be, for the most part, over when I get to Shanghai.
It has been good to get out and explore Nanjing, even if it is right before I’m supposed to move. Luckily, I’ll be back and forth to Nanjing, so I have some time. I figure I still need to convince a few more kids that foreigners are not dangerous and don’t eat Chinese kids. Although, it is fun to mess with them if they really do think we’re going to kidnap them and cook them for dinner. Oh us foreigners, we are so dangerous.
Apr 2, 2010
Lamien Love: Why I wouldn't date a Chinese guy
It’s been a running joke with friends that I’m going to come home married to a Chinese guy. Well, I’m here to give you a few reasons as to why I don’t think I could (nor do I want to) date a Chinese guy. And it goes beyond language barriers, height differences and other common place things that one would automatically assume. And this doesn’t really count against ABC guys (American-born Chinese). I'm talking about the mainland dudes who would love nothing more than to date a foreign girl.
Disclaimer: Not every Chinese guy is like this. These are generalizations I have made the following conclusions from interaction at work in other social settings.
1. They have little dating experience – I think my previous NYAFC posts can explain this further. Since most of their high school and college years were spent cramming for tests, practicing the piano or playing computer games, they haven’t had a whole lot of time with girls. Not that I have had a bountiful love life and have a whole lot of experience, but I don’t want someone who only recently learned the basics to talking to girls.
2. They settle down too quickly – you know how I’ve said before that its not uncommon to meet couples who have married within weeks of meeting? Well, there’s a lot of pressure on these men and women to find their spouse quickly. And when a half-way decent one has come along, why not settle to make mom, dad, grandma, grandpa and the rest of the family proud. To many Chinese, dating is a means to an end – marriage– and I’m really not interested in that. Sure, one day I will probably get married, but I’m not rushing to the alter (or the courthouse) anytime soon. And dating for me is about finding someone special, but it is also a time to learn about myself and what I want from a spouse, in a family and in life. I don’t think this is quite on par with Chinese around me.
3. Family values – The idea of the “family” and “family values” is pretty different between Chinese and Western cultures. Its more common than not to have the whole family under one roof – mom, dad, grandpa, grandma, and the kids. Now, don’t get me wrong. I love my parents, and, as they age, I want to take care of them. But that doesn’t include them living with me from the time I’ve gotten married. While I respect and even admire the Chinese’s devotion to family and elders, I’m not about to live with Mr. And Mrs. Wang any longer than I would have to. Besides, mothers-in-law are already enough to deal with, especially when you throw a kid in the mix. Would you want her living full-time with you? I didn’t think so.
4. There’s a lack of common sense – Working in the education area, I have been well informed and educated on the stark differences between education in China and at home. Much of their education here is focused on memorization, listening to every word the teacher says and regurgitating information, even when you don’t fully understand it. There is little room for creativity and critical thinking. Which, in my opinion kind of translates into common sense. Anytime there is a problem at work that needs solving or a time when we need to “think outside the box,” more times than not, my Chinese coworkers, even though they are very nice and intelligent, struggle to come up with solutions. You may wonder why this would be a reason not to date someone, but its really a turn off to see this lack of common sense and ability to problem solve.
5. I just really likeWestern, ok, American guys – I mean, I can’t really say it any more simply. I like what I know. And I grew up on American guys. Sure, occasionally they were hard to deal with, were a little too distant, drove me crazy and the whole lot, but, call me crazy, I like that. I like a challenge. Chinese guys here, sometimes come across as so desperate, especially for a foreign girl, you just think, “come on, man up.” American guys just have better conversational skills, are more relaxed and just have the intangibles that a Chinese guy doesn’t, and most times can’t, compete with.
I don’t want to put down Chinese guys. Many of them can be very sweet, and I have found them to be, for the most part, courteous and respectful. But, no, I do not have an interest in dating one. Although, I do still think it would be a good series of blog postings to date one, but it would be for research purposes only. And I’m not so sure that’s fair.
Disclaimer: Not every Chinese guy is like this. These are generalizations I have made the following conclusions from interaction at work in other social settings.
1. They have little dating experience – I think my previous NYAFC posts can explain this further. Since most of their high school and college years were spent cramming for tests, practicing the piano or playing computer games, they haven’t had a whole lot of time with girls. Not that I have had a bountiful love life and have a whole lot of experience, but I don’t want someone who only recently learned the basics to talking to girls.
2. They settle down too quickly – you know how I’ve said before that its not uncommon to meet couples who have married within weeks of meeting? Well, there’s a lot of pressure on these men and women to find their spouse quickly. And when a half-way decent one has come along, why not settle to make mom, dad, grandma, grandpa and the rest of the family proud. To many Chinese, dating is a means to an end – marriage– and I’m really not interested in that. Sure, one day I will probably get married, but I’m not rushing to the alter (or the courthouse) anytime soon. And dating for me is about finding someone special, but it is also a time to learn about myself and what I want from a spouse, in a family and in life. I don’t think this is quite on par with Chinese around me.
3. Family values – The idea of the “family” and “family values” is pretty different between Chinese and Western cultures. Its more common than not to have the whole family under one roof – mom, dad, grandpa, grandma, and the kids. Now, don’t get me wrong. I love my parents, and, as they age, I want to take care of them. But that doesn’t include them living with me from the time I’ve gotten married. While I respect and even admire the Chinese’s devotion to family and elders, I’m not about to live with Mr. And Mrs. Wang any longer than I would have to. Besides, mothers-in-law are already enough to deal with, especially when you throw a kid in the mix. Would you want her living full-time with you? I didn’t think so.
4. There’s a lack of common sense – Working in the education area, I have been well informed and educated on the stark differences between education in China and at home. Much of their education here is focused on memorization, listening to every word the teacher says and regurgitating information, even when you don’t fully understand it. There is little room for creativity and critical thinking. Which, in my opinion kind of translates into common sense. Anytime there is a problem at work that needs solving or a time when we need to “think outside the box,” more times than not, my Chinese coworkers, even though they are very nice and intelligent, struggle to come up with solutions. You may wonder why this would be a reason not to date someone, but its really a turn off to see this lack of common sense and ability to problem solve.
5. I just really like
I don’t want to put down Chinese guys. Many of them can be very sweet, and I have found them to be, for the most part, courteous and respectful. But, no, I do not have an interest in dating one. Although, I do still think it would be a good series of blog postings to date one, but it would be for research purposes only. And I’m not so sure that’s fair.
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